I love Penatonix! Though I did not follow their journey live on “The Sing Off,” but I have now seen every youtube video of them that I can find! If you do not know the audio art of this 5 person a cappella group then you need to pull your head out of the hole it is in and go enjoy some amazingness of this 5 person vocal perfection. Recently, I saw that they just released a new music video cover of Say Something, originally done by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera. Listen here then then we will reconvene:
Their harmonies, the use of beatbox mixed perfectly with the cello, their pacing in the middle to make the notes staccato… acca-amazing! Such a masterclass on telling the story of the song in an artful way that can move you. The fourth time I listened to this song though I started really taking in the story and words. Now I am sure that the author of the lyrics was writing about a relationship and in no way would ever intend for them to be taken the way I’m about to, but good art can transcend the original story and can meet people where they are at and speak new things.
Right now in my life I am moving back to the USA after 15 months of missionary work in Paris France. I say missionary work, but it was actually 15 months of missionary prep work called, “Learning a language.” Learning a new language has been the hardest thing I have ever tried to do! Basically everyday for the last 15 months I have felt completely stupid. This is a normal thing for people in language school. The pace is rapid and intense, and if you are like me and come in to language school knowing nothing about about the subject at hand…then you feel like you just joined a marathon without any breaks…that you never trained for. All this to say, now my family is headed back to the USA unexpectedly and we are not sure what or where we are going back to…I am understanding more each day how David felt in psalm 13:
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
I’m not on death’s door step, but after being in transition for the last two years with no end in sight… things just get hard. And when I pray right now I do not hear God giving a 12 step plan for our next venture. Instead, I feel like David wondering when (if ever) God will finally speak.
Insert my experience with the song “Say Something.” 3/4 of the way through the video I was thinking, I love this, but this is a long song… and yet it the song was only like 4 minutes. Then I started thinking, how often do I pray like this song?
“Say something I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would have followed you
Say something I’m giving up on you”
Made me wonder if most of us only have the ability to wait in the “questions and the darkness of night” for a total of 4 minutes before we start saying “I’m giving up on you!”. In this time when God seems to be so silent, my immediate reaction is simply to throw my hands up and screw at the sky, “I want to give up on you!” Questions run through my mind, “Is God really real?” “Does He care about me?” “Does He care that I am in this hard or painful state?” “Is all of this worth it?”
So often I have heard people who have walked away from God claiming “If God really loved me then He wouldn’t let something like ‘this’ happen…” or “I can’t believe in a God who would ______”
We echo the lyrics of “Say Something” in our prayers:
“And I will swallow my pride .
You’re the one that I love .
And I’m saying goodbye .
Say something I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you
Say something I’m giving up on you
Say something I’m giving up on you
Say something..”
But do we mean it? After walking in the valley this last year I often wonder how much lip service I have given to God. I can easily say, “I chose to follow God no matter what the cost…” But do I truly mean it? Or when things get hard will I just agree with Job’s wife, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9) I might say it differently like, “Is it really worth all this??”
There is a song that I used to love to sing before I came to France called “I’m Still Yours” by Kutless. I remember having the song come on my earphone right while sitting on the metro right after I found out my role had been eliminated in my organization due to re-visioning from new leadership. Before being in this valley of ambiguity it was much easy to sing the song. When things aren’t really hard it is easy to say, “I will swallow my pride, You’re the one that I love. (from “Say Something”)” But if the words are only meant in fair weather, then is it real love? Now the words to “I’m Still Yours” mean so much more to me. And yet, things are not that bad in my life. As I was sitting on the metro listening to the words of the song and feeling bad for myself I remembered how one of my good friends was literally in the middle of having brain surgery to attempt to remove some cancerous tumors. How much more does my friend know these words?
So what is your faith built on? Will you terry longer on waiting in the questions and silence before God? Instead of echoing “Say Something” may our prayer’s echo the end of psalm 13:
“But [even though you are not speaking God and I don’t know what is going on] I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.”